Final Product: Comparing First and Last Chapters and Week 12

*Please Note: My reflection for Week 12 is under the ‘Reflections’ tab and I talk about and compare the first post I had written (Week 7’s post) to the final product (below) and what I have learned throughout this assignment. I discuss the difficulties I had faced and compare the skills I had used in order to complete these chapters*

 

JUNE:

I leaned over the grey prison table and whispered in to Marie’s ear,

“Marie, I’m going to die. We’ve decided.”

“What do you mean you’ve decided to die?”, The shock had set in quite quickly.

“She and I, we can’t be. Together or alone. Neither one of us can make it in this world with the other in it. You understand, don’t you?”, I smiled.

She cried; Jennifer sat up and crossed her arms. She threatened; I wondered when dinner was being served. She begged; Jennifer and I watched in silence. There’s nothing she or anyone could do about it. I am just as ill as my sister and more. Jennifer is weak but I am weaker. I couldn’t believe Marie didn’t understand this. Visiting time was finally over and the bells rang while Marie was escorted out by a prison guard. Jennifer and I were given our daily medications before each making our way back to our cells. The next few weeks went by in a cloudy haze. It’s funny how one tiny white pill can put you in such a zombie-like state to the extent of having no motivation for the one thing you love.

JENNIFER:

The 10th of March, 1993. That is the day that my one and only torment will die and I will be set free. That is the day that I will prove my dominance over her and she will fall back to the corner of my new-found mind, letting me live in peace. We’ve not yet decided how to go about this but I’m already counting the months, the days, the hours until I am set free from her shackles and can have my own life. I’m absolutely terrified of living without her and having to dive head-first in to the society that had abandoned us all these years but it’s for the best. I feel as though I am permanently at a cross-roads, having to share what is and isn’t mine all at the same time; I only half-belong somewhere. I’m only half-heard. I’m only half a person. The only constant? I’ll always be half a twin.

The passed few weeks have gone by quickly and neither June or I have written any note-worthy stories. I have been a shell and lived for nothing else but air. My dreams are on the other side of the prison bars and my brain has been covered in zombie-batter and fried until it can’t think anymore. June did this to me just as much as I did this to her and we should both pay.

JUNE:

Today is the day we leave this worn-down fish tank of a prison and are transferred to a psychiatric ward. I’ve never seen mother cry so much than when she visited us this morning. Marie told her what I had said and it is still a mystery to me how neither one of them could understand why I would sacrifice myself for Jennifer. Mother kept praying to Jesus for help us as she sobbed and Jennifer and I looked at each other in confusion. Jesus had turned a deaf ear all of those times she had prayed for us before so what made her think he would miraculously listen today? Honestly, sometimes I wonder why we are the ones being committed in to a psych ward.

 

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3 comments

  1. Hi Shams,
    Your work is going well, I am really enjoying reading it. I like how you have used clear different voices to distinguish between both characters, this is really important and you have done it well. The only thing I can think of to potentially help is have you thought of using the technique of ‘show not tell’? You have been in one of my creative writing classes I think and this technique I have found helpful in my own writing but it might not suit your style or the voice that you are wanting to come through your characters.
    Just a thought! You are doing great 🙂

    1. Hi Mary,
      I completely understand what you mean with ‘show not tell’. For my weekly posts I make it a goal to work on something new in one of my chapters (week 9 was to better develop the mental illness aspect of my characters) and so I will be working on ‘show not tell’ sometime in the next few weeks. This is mainly due to the fact that I find it more difficult to write from a person with mental illness’ perspective and so I decided to give it a shot.
      I’m glad you picked up on it, though, because I felt like it was lacking in that area too (for now haha)
      Thank you for your comment 🙂

      1. Hi Shams, not a problem! If you want some help on writing from someone with a mental illness you might want to try reading some parts of teh book Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel. I think her writing is compelling while giving a very good understanding of her emotional flaws and illness.

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